Before They're Gone

Without sounding morbid, death has been on my mind a lot. Not necessarily my death or anyone specific's death, but just death in general. I think it is a combination of my grandmother being in the hospital for the last few weeks, and the IC community experiencing some tragic losses in recent months. Whatever the reason, my mind has been contemplating the affect that losing somebody has on those who know him/her.

I do not mean to be disrespectful in anyway, but does it seem to anyone else like whenever we lose someone (especially unexpectedly), there’s suddenly this “ohmygoshtheywerethebestpersonever” syndrome that seems to take over everyone who is mourning. While I’m sure that the people really were good people, it’s always so ironic to me. Why do we wait until someone is gone to realize we want to live like them? Why do we wait until they’re no longer around to honor them, respect them, or express gratitude for the impact they have had on our lives? Does this seem backwards to anyone else?

When I was younger, I was kind of obsessed with telling people how much they meant to me. For some reason, I’ve always had this paranoia that I was going to die young or lose someone really important to me. I don’t know why, but I seem to be abnormally preoccupied with a ‘sense’ that I need to tell people exactly what they mean to me or I may never have the opportunity to do so. When I was younger, I would lay awake at night worrying about people that I didn’t say “I love you” to the last time I saw them, or cry about unresolved conflict with fear that something would happen before I could resolve it.

I have vivid memories of turning on Celine Dion and literally writing people pages upon pages telling them all of the things I loved about them. Eventually, I think the recipients of these letters were a bit weirded out. I think they thought I was obsessed with them or something. And maybe it makes sense – it may have been a bit uncomfortable to receive what seemed like a love letter from a thirteen-year-old girl. As I got a little older, I stopped doing this because I began to catch onto the fact that people thought I was strange (and for a large number of reasons, they were correct. I was extremely weird.)

So even though I’ve discontinued that hobby, I actually think that there was a lot of good in it, and wish that aspects of that funny habit could be applied in the daily life of everybody, including myself.

What stops us? What holds us back from saying “I really admire that about you,” or “I want to be like you in that way” out loud rather than just silently in our minds? Why is it that in the day in and day out of life, we live among incredible people, but rarely realize just how valuable they are until something tragic happens to them? What is it about life that is not conducive to mindfully appreciating the unique contributions that those in our life offer us?

I don’t want to live like this. I want the people in my life to know that they are appreciated and valued every time we spend time together. I want to be a positive, encouraging source for those I interact with. I want to be intentional about realizing why I love people and what I specifically appreciate about them, and then tell them. I do not want to take the people in my life for granted. It is easy to see people as functional. We just live our lives, and often don’t even choose who the people in our lives are. We work with people, we study with people, we do activities with people, we exercise with people, we make music with people, we live with people, etc. But these people are not merely space fillers. I think when we do not often enough really look at the people around us, strive to know them, to see what unique traits they bring into our lives, imagine what it would be like without them, and notice what we can learn from them. I want to strive to be like them in the ways that their character surpasses mine and to serve them when I have something I can offer.

Does anybody else notice this pattern? I know that I contribute to it, but I do not want to. I know it is easier said than done, but I do want to more intentional about aiming to live with no regrets when it comes to the way I treat the people in my life. *sigh* I have a lot of work to do...

These are some of my thoughts. I'd love to hear yours.