The Importance of Autumn

Autumn is always an eventful season for me. And I don’t just mean eventful in its actual busyness, but Fall seems to possess some power over me that neither Summer, Winter, or Spring does.

There is something about witnessing colors coming alive, accompanied by a constant cool breeze that cause my mind to also transform. In becoming acutely aware of my surroundings, I am unable to resist stopping, noticing, and savoring all that is around me. While doing this, I find myself being more reflective, contemplative, and joyful than any other time of year.

Sometimes I lose myself in this season. I connect with nature in a way that I am not sure I can even describe. As Fall subtly appears, it always brings with it a deep hope. As the leaves change colors, and the trees shed what is dead, I, too, crave change. I want to burst into new, vibrant color, and provide a new image that is almost unrecognizable. I want to discard what is old, and enter the beautiful process of changing and preparing for what is new.

This is my deepest desire, but desiring change does not always feel like enough. This year, it feels out of my control. I want to be changing faster than I currently am. I sometimes feel like the trees in Southern California that I used to hate...stuck in the same place, resistant to change. One of my biggest complaints about living in California was that I never knew what time of year it was. Being someone who is as addicted to the outdoors as I am, this always deeply bothered me. My surroundings were the same in December as they were in September, and in May as they were in December. This consistency in the weather causes me to feel stagnant also. It felt like time was never passing, and similarly like I could not measure change in my own life. I do not want to live like that. I want my life to be ever changing. The idea of being idle at any point in my life is a very frightening one. What good is my life if I am not moving towards becoming a better version of my current self?

Fall reminds me that this is possible. Ever so slightly. It may not even always be measurable, but nevertheless, things are made to change. We were made to change. The struggles I have now do not have to be forever. I wish I could change as effortlessly as nature appears to. I wish I didn’t always have to experience the emotional burden that comes with change. I wish that I knew where I was headed and when I would arrive.

But maybe that is not the important thing. Maybe the important thing is that I am headed somewhere. I am not satisfied with the person I currently am. I may never be. The process of change can be just as awe-inspiring as the arrival. I just must maintain the drive that leads me to further seek the character that I desire and the truth I know exists. If I maintain this, I must trust that there are colors of change in my life, whether or not I can see them right now. I hope that someday when I look back at it, it is as breathtaking as the landscape around me.