Full time madness

I have been "working" full time for 4 weeks now. I say "working" because my schedule is taking the toll of full time work, but my bank account is not reaping the benefits of full time work (ie: no paycheck.)

I am learning SO much about life as a teacher. Student teaching really is so beneficial. I laugh when I look back teaching last year and think of how I could have been so much better if I'd had this experience first (I have a feeling I will be able to say that every year). I think that student teaching should be set up as an apprenticeship for a whole year (with pay), because there is simply no way that after experiencing 8 weeks in an elementary classroom, and 8 weeks in a junior high classroom that I will be, by any means, ready to teach!

I am learning oh so much in this process. My mind is constantly overwhelmed. I am trying to memorize 450 students' names while attempting to comprehend good lesson planning (which takes so much more thought than I previously understood), classroom management strategies, teaching philosophies, etc. I have dreams about the classroom almost every night. My brain is absorbing what I'm seeing, and trying to envision/plan my own classroom someday.

Teaching is really so much more complicated than people think. I know the stereotype - "oh, you teach music? So you just sing nursery rhymes with the kids? Sounds tough..." And to that I say - "ha! you try it!" Teaching general music is truly challenging. First of all, you're teaching K-6. Classroom teachers get to specialize in one age, and they know can lock their brains into how that age learns and what appeals to them, and go forward all year. But in the music classroom, you have to understand each of the ages separately, and plan for the differing stages of brain development, and learning styles. You have to be simple and fun enough for the Kindergarteners (changing the activity every 5 seconds in order to keep them engaged), and "cool" enough for the too-cool-for-school 6th graders. You also see all of the students in the school, so building relationships with the kids (which is extremely important to me) takes a lot more intentional effort and creativity to make it happen. Another aspect that comes along with teaching all of the kids in the school is getting to teach the same lesson sometimes 6 times in a row. And yes - teaching it the 6th time, it must seem like the 1st time...because it is the 1st time for those kiddos. It takes some serious acting skills to pretend like you're still excited about the lesson!

There is no set music curriculum in the ICCSD so there is certainly no following a lesson on auto pilot. I appreciate the freedom that music teachers have since we don't have to follow a set curriculum, but it takes a LOT of work to plan truly good lessons, and I have a lot of work to do in that area before I'll feel ready to teach.

*sigh*

I love teaching, but at this point, I can't imagine teaching full time and doing anything else, let alone having a family someday! It's not just the hours that are long, but the mental engagement that it requires. There is no zoning out, no down time, no second in the day that your mind is not acutely aware of varying student needs, lesson adaptions that need to be made on the fly, analyzing my own delivery, gauging student reception of the lesson, etc.

I want to teach, but at this point I think I'd like to teach part time. Teaching elementary is an all-consuming profession, and while I think I am meant to do it, and I love it, there are too many other things in life that I care about and want to do also. It doesn't seem "fair" to give such a large portion of my day to any one thing. There is just not enough time. Right now, by the time I'm done teaching, teaching piano lessons, working out, showering, and eating (those are all things I consider "essentials"), it is already 9:30 pm....and I need to be in bed by 10 in order to get up early and do it all over again. That leaves no time for any 'extras', including time with loved ones, hobbies, spontaneity, etc. I can't even imagine maintaining a family while conducting this life! I hope that I'm able to teach part time, so that I can be a person outside of my career, see what else I am passionate about, and be all around more effective in each area, because no one area is stealing the majority of me.

It really blows my mind that so many people work full time.

How do people do it??

No, really, how do you do it? I'd love to know. Those of you who do (or ever have) work full time, what's the secret to not feeling like a zombie at the end of the day? What's the secret to not resenting your job because it's stolen all of your attention and time? Maybe this is not the case with jobs that really don't have to come home with you, but teaching is not one of those jobs. And please don't say "if you're doing what you really love, then you'd love to give it that much time!", because that is simply not true. I love too many things for that to be true. It's not that I don't love teaching, it's that I don't love any one thing substantially more than all other things. I feel too young to have chosen one passion that I want to dedicate my life to. I still want to explore many things, and see what kinds of passion can grow when I dedicate time to different areas.

Please share your experience/thoughts with me. I'd really love to hear.

Lesson plans are calling me...